Got a toothbrush?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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