well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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