Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
