i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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