its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
