I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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