And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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