I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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