she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
