My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
