just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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