I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
