i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
