you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
