One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
