why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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