giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
