just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He? As in you personified your dick?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
