If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
