lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
