I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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