its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
