Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize