you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
