Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
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