margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
