i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
