i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
