Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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