I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
