Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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