Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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