Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
