Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
