She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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