so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
