is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
