hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
