if i can run in heels then i can drive
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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