In America we eat man semen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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