I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The uberlube is also flammable
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
