i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
