The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
