im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
