I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
