Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
