when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
