her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dignity is for republicans.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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