Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
