I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
im on a boat
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