never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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