somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
