That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
