My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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