We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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