That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
