fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
