She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
