If that was your dad, he is hot
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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