Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize