why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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