Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
