i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
